


Five Times Eames Is Naked

by Mary_Jane221B



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 21:03:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5943007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mary_Jane221B/pseuds/Mary_Jane221B
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Eames short of using some part of my body to provide your penis with shade from the sun I do not know what to suggest.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times Eames Is Naked

1.

The first time Arthur becomes aware that Eames has a predilection for spending his free time naked it is when he turns up to recruit the forger for Cobb’s latest escapade and walks in on him doing house work naked and singing a terrible rendition of Maria from West Side Story. Now granted they are in Mombasa and the temperature is in the high eighties but still naked wood polishing was just unnecessary to Arthur’s mind.

“Jesus Christ Eames” Arthur sputters and turns his back on the man kneeling by the coffee table wood polish and cloth clasped in one hand while the other aims a pistol at Arthur’s head.

“Arthur. What a pleasant surprise. Have you tried knocking Darling?” Eames asks the back of Arthur’s head. He doesn’t sound annoyed so Arthur does not bother apologising.  

“I need you for a job Mr Eames. Time was of the essence.” Arthur says desperately trying to repress the blush he can feel coming.

“Excellent Darling, let me just put this dust rag away and we can be off.”

“You might also benefit from some underwear Mr Eames. Your role won’t be that of a nudist.”  

The sigh Arthur hears in response comes from much closer than he was anticipating but he refuses to turn around and confirm that the forger’s naked body is now a hairs breadth away from his immaculately pressed Tom Ford suit.

“If you insist Darling but really the world is much more fun naked.”

 

2.

The second time Arthur hears about Eames naked body it is from Ariadne. They have just finished a job in Bangkok and Eames had drifted off to celebrate independently at around 3 a.m. and no one had seen him since. Ariadne being the good friend that she is stood knocking on his door at 10 a.m. to ensure he didn’t miss check out only to receive no answer and then grow suspicious. She naturally chose to break in with the key card she lifted off Yusuf’s bedside table and investigate.

Arthur finds her twenty minutes after the wannabe break in laughing uncontrollably into a scrunched up hotel towel.

“What the fuck happened to you?” Arthur asks attempting to hide his amusement with a cool veneer of indifference.

“Eames…shower…glitter penis…so naked.”  With that sputtered explanation Ariadne runs off to undoubtedly find Yusuf and bother him with sounding like a banshee instead.

Arthur chooses to take the high road and knock on Eames door yelling through the wood, in the most professional tone he can muster, that check out is in ten minutes and it would really help them stay inconspicuous if Eames was fully dressed when they did.

 

3.

The third time it’s because of a job. Eames is forging the mark’s lover who is also a stripper and is finding it difficult he says to ‘get into character’ what follows are three nights of Arthur’s life he can never get back that involve traipsing all over Vegas supervising Eames ‘research’ nights at the Strip’s gay night clubs and facilitating Eames interviews with the male stripper glamorarty of Sin City.

It is only when one stripper they are interviewing for the second time invites Eames to give it a go on their training pole that Arthur realises what a precarious position he is now in. Ever the point man he cannot leave Eames having been specifically asked to accompany him by the man himself but Arthur also doesn’t think for a moment that he can watch Eames strip in his own skin and not that of the mark’s twinky boyfriend without developing a very telling erection and that is something he just does not think he can risk. He still needs to work with Eames after all and inconvenient decade long infatuation aside they are a very effective team.

But Arthur sucks it up because if there is one thing he is it is professional and he sits in silence while the stripper shows Eames how to ‘tame the pole’ and use his ‘best bedroom eyes’ to seduce his patron. Eames proves himself to be surprisingly graceful while flinging his wealth of muscles around the metal pole and Arthur has to take multiple fortifying sips of vodka as well as picture Cobb naked to survive Eames shimmying his shirt off his shoulders.

Arthur asks the universe how it makes sense that having seen the man fully naked, penis out and proud, he can still be hard as rock watching him coyly eye fuck him (in place of the mark) and pop the buttons of his, for once plain, black shirt.  Arthur thinks his dick might explode when Eames licks his lips and rubs his crotch with the heel of his palm.

He does not get a big enough cut to put his heart through this kind of stress.

The job goes off without a hitch after all that. Eames manages to get a ridiculous number of state secrets out of the politician while in just a blue feather adorned thong and gyrating to Nicki Minaj and if Arthur spends the next six months masturbating to lurid imaginings of Eames seducing him while wearing a peacock speedo whose business is that but his.

 

4.

The fourth time both Arthur and Eames blame on Cobb. Granted Eames had developed a habit of blaming most of the fucking annoying things in his life on Cobb but this time Arthur is in full agreement that the entire cluster fuck was because Cobb was a twat who could not keep his subconscious under control.  

So now he and Eames are both trapped amongst sand dunes with Eames naked as the day he was born and Arthur encased in his very nifty but exceedingly tight swim trunks waiting for the extremely large naked Scottish business man to give up searching for the team of dream thieves amongst the guests of his high end nudist retreat.

 While providing them with cover from angry Scotsmen the sand dunes do not protect them from the midday sun nor the scattering of mosquitos and sand mites that seemed determined to bite every inch of Eames they could reach including his very unfortunately exposed penis.

 Unfortunate because of the irritation, not the penis, it really was a very nice penis Arthur thought. Delicious looking in fact, when it wasn’t covered in sand obviously.  

But Eames was in a dilemma if he lay on his stomach he protected it from the majority of the sun and the mosquitoes that was true but he exposed it to the sand mites and the general frustration of sand getting in your foreskin which he informed Arthur loudly and on a number of occasions was proving to be very uncomfortable indeed.

“Eames short of using some part of my body to provide your penis with shade from the sun I do not know what to suggest.”  Arthur finally snapped. What followed was the most awkward ten minutes of Arthur’s life where Eames stared at him in silence before starting vigorous negotiations about which part of Arthur’s body he would allow to be used as protection for Eames penis.

The settled on Arthur’s hands and so there they laid with Arthur between Eames legs, in uncomfortable silence for a further half hour with Arthur cupping his hands over Eames penis and balls to provide the bloody things’ with shade and protection from both sun burn and the coasts horde of evil biting creepy crawlies that seemed to have developed a taste for English penis.

“You owe me for this Eames.” Arthur mutters.  

“One favour, any favour.” Eames agrees solemnly.  

 

5.

The fifth time is certainly the most memorable for Arthur. It’s the time Arthur finally says fuck it and throws propriety to the wind pouncing on Eames and finally licking every inch of his muscled chest and thankfully glitter free penis.

Arthur’s been away from New York for so long that he has forgotten the overwhelming heat of the place in July.  Moving out of the veritable ice box of JFK and into the muggy heat of twilight Arthur finds himself peeling off layers in the back of the cab in the way he only allows himself to do when he isn’t on a job.

His apartment is in Uptown Manhattan and thankfully the entire building is air conditioned so his evening plans consist of a bottle of Domaine de Chevalier Blanc 2009, that he desperately hopes his house keeper remembered to restock for him, a bucket of ice cubes and sleeping naked in his ridiculously proportioned bed with the air con on at a comfortable temperature.  Arthur is nothing if not decadent in his off time.

Arthur can feel his hair loosening from both the sweat and his decision not to try and tame it with gel and his comb since leaving Milan ten hours ago.  He had spent ten days cleaning up some second rate teams shit and frankly he was done. So Arthur left his hair curling and did nothing to tame it, he handed over too much money to the taxi driver and did not wait for his change. He pushed open the door without waiting for Jerry the doorman to stub out his sly cigarette and still smiled genially at both he and the security guard who greeted him with a nod.

Arthur found himself whistling as he got off the elevator and sashayed to the music in his head towards his door.  There was really no excuse for him to be so off guard. Not really. No one would claim Uptown Manhattan was free of crime just because you got a nice view of Central Park if you were lucky enough to be near the top of the building.  But it isn’t until Arthur steps through his front door, smells something delicious cooking and sees the general mess of another human being that he thinks to check the location of both his totem and firearm. He rolls his dice three times and watches it come up four  before flicking the safety off on his weapon and approaching the running shower  and terrible singing he can hear from within his ensuite.

He pushes the door with the toe of his wingtip and aims his weapon at the entirely naked man scrubbing his hair with Arthur’s designer shampoo and singing David Bowie at the top of his lungs. Eames doesn’t bat an eye lid when he opens his eyes and spots Arthur watching him from the doorway. 

He just shakes his ass a little more vigorously and shouts “The water’s fine darling.”

Arthur grins, shakes his head, secures his weapon, procures the wine and joins him.


End file.
